You want to kiss my lucky egg?
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By Khairil Mokhzani Bahar in Brain Stew Published: Thursday, 06 August 09 - 06:18 PM (GMT +08:00) Last Updated: Thursday, 06 August 09 - 07:05 PM (GMT +08:00) |
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For those not in the know, Kinder Surprise was a chocolate egg (and very yummy chocolate at that) which was hollow and inside you'd find a capsule which contained parts for a toy you could make. And not just stupid crappy toys that you'd throw away, but collectible toys such as these:-
I'd always wondered what happened to them, especially when I got back to Malaysia and saw a Kinder sign in a shop and rushed to the area where it was to find Kinder Bueno.
Now, whilst Kinder Bueno is made from the same company and uses the same yummy chocolate, I still missed them eggs. I loved those eggs. You'd open them up and find all kinds of cool toys, you'd never know what you'd get. Even the capsules became toys, used for filling all kinds of random tiny crap.
Then one day I walked into a 7-11 and discovered something called Kinder Joy. It was egg shaped. I bought one with the giddiness of a school girl and opened it up...
...to find this:
Two brown furry balls in a gelatinous goop that looks suspiciously like some form of male secretion and another section for the toy. The toy itself, meanwhile, was nothing in comparison to the toys you'd get from Kinder Surprise. Toys such as this:-
That is apparently a picture frame. You can take out the face and put your own pic in. Whoopee.
(Thing is, shooting Ampang Medikal was so insane that myself, Chen-Chen and Kat would go and buy tons of these Kinder Joys trying to get the latest boat or picture frame. In retrospect, we should've just gone to Toys R Us and bought something really cool).
I had always wondered why Kinder Surprise wasn't sold here, and why it was so difficult to find when I went to other countries too, until I discovered that most countries such as the States have recalled them because parents think they're dangerous.
The fear is that it is dangerous to children under the age of three and they might choke on the little bits or just swallow the capsule whole without realizing there is a toy inside. This leads me to believe that there are some insanely stupid parents out there who should be taken out onto the street and shot.
The company knows that it could be dangerous for children under three, which is why the packaging states it's not for children under three due to the tiny bits. Apparently there have been many Kinder Surprise related deaths which can only lead me to two possible theories:
1. Dumb ass parents are giving these chocolates to toddlers below the age of three, or
2. Children under three crawl out of the house without their parents knowledge, go to the candy store and purchase these things themselves because the chocolate is a toddler's equivalent to crack.
When I was a kid, we looked forward to buying a Kinder Surprise. If our parents bought us one, it was happy days. We liked the chocolate, but more importantly, we wanted the toy. The toy was everything. We knew there was a toy inside it, that's why we fucking wanted it. And at least my parents were clever enough to buy it for me at an age when I understood what was inside.
What kind of dumb fucking parent gives a toddler chocolate with tiny toy bits in it? Were the Cadbury's bars sold out? Shouldn't you be feeding the baby milk and rusks? Or can none of these parents read the print that says there's a fucking toy in it?
I miss them Kinder Surprise toys. Canada has them. Perhaps I should move there.
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